Christmas Vacation

You know the adage “I need a vacation to recoup from my vacation”? Well I think I need a night off from the Holidays. (I’m exhausted.) Can I get an Amen?

Also, I want a fireplace. (And some cold weather to match.)

Desk Job Injury

Would you still be my friend if I started wearing an eye patch?

This isn't a rhetorical question; would you? Inquiring minds need to know. 'Cause I'm honestly considering it.

I stare at a computer screen all day for work (and then some more at home as I check up on every one's blogs. Warning: blog-stalking is a hazardous addiction; just say no). As a result (I think) of my excessive screen time, my eye has started twitching. Uncontrollably. Every few minutes. All day. I'm fairly certain this twitch is undetectable to anyone looking at me, but that doesn't change the fact that I still can feel it twitching. And it's really anoying. I've tried squinting and closing one eye while working, but I once caught a reflection of my face while doing this and it wasn't a pretty thing. And I'm positive others can see that.

Eye strain is apparently a common hazard of desk-job employment. In the safety section of my Employee Handbook there's a whole section on avoiding desk-job related injuries such as back problems and the dreaded carpal tunnel. (Do I feel like a dork even discussing this? You bet.) The Handbook focuses primarily on proper ergonomics i.e. "make sure elbows bend at a 90 degree angle as they rest on the keyboard" and "make sure the middle of the computer screen is set in your direct eye line when sitting in correct posture" etc, etc. (I'm paraphrasing, but this is the gist of it.) Regarding eye strain, I try to follow The Handbook's advice and "focus on something at least 20 feet away every 20 minutes," but it's not helping.

I had no idea this job would be so dangerous. Between my cheap chair aggravating the arthritis in my neck (this is true by the way; untreated spinal injuries=arthritis.), the sore forearms and wrists, and now the eye twitching, I'm a little desperate.

Desperate enough to go for, say, an eye patch?

A grown-up kid

I'm fairly certain that adulthood doesn't come naturally to most. At least it didn't to me, although I think I fake it pretty well. (Just know that I'm constantly repressing some level of immaturity and/or selfishness.) In building a home, marriage, and career I often feel that I am simply "playing pretend" as I mimic things I've seen various adults/actors do. In fact, for the whole first year of my current job, I was on edge, feeling certain that at any moment my superiors would suddenly see through my act and go, "wait a minute, who is this Jill girl? I think we've hired a child for an analyst! Quick, do something before the stockholders find out!" (It didn't help that I was a good 15 years younger than the youngest colleague in my office...)

Then there are the moments when I realize that yes indeed I am an adult. For example, a blatant disregard of consequences is no longer a hallmark of my character. Threats of bodily harm suddenly loom present and real, thus keeping me in check when pursuing adventure (which is rather ironic since I NOW finally have health insurance - also very adult of me). A good night's sleep or an evening at home is now cherished as a treasured gift from On High. There was the time I discovered the perfection and beauty of Mr. Clean Magic Erasers and eagerly sought out more and more things to clean - on a Friday night no less. (Yeah, I was definitely an adult then. Or maybe just someone desperately in need of a life.) It was very grown up of me when I avoided opening last quarter's 401k statement. (Yikes. Worrying about retirement is definitely adult.)

And then there was the time, just last week, when my father-in-law (the one who was recently diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease) mentioned his final wishes and living will to an audience of his wife, three oldest children, and their spouses. I don't know what I was in that moment. I felt adult contemplating the reality of losing a parent, but was still childish in my confusion, and (I'll admit) in my fear of death in general. I felt grown up as I wondered how exactly I was to be a dutiful/respectful/supportive daughter-in-law as well as a supportive wife to this man's son, who I love more than I can comprehend. My adult self put my own concerns on hold momentarily as I silently sent my love and concern to the other family members in the room. And I think it was the adult part of me that ached for my yet-to-be-conceived children who will probably never know their father's dad. However, despite all these grown-up emotions and thoughts, the child in me yearned to be held and soothed, preferably by my mom, who I called as soon as I was alone. I don't know which part of me will play the larger role as this all plays out - the child or the adult - nor do I know which I'd prefer.

I do know that Disneyland was the best place we could have spent last weekend - the place where the distinction between adult and child is blurred and is frankly unimportant as everyone - child and grown-up alike - is simply interested in a good time and in creating good memories. So, as much as the kid in me loved getting to go to the front of all the lines (thanks to my father-in-law now being confined to a wheel chair), the image I will probably remember and cherish most is that of my little nephew sitting on my father-in-law's lap while his grown son (my husband) pushed them all over the park while we girls/women just struggled to keep up with them. It was a good day - a good weekend. Whether child or adult, I can appreciate that.