Wednesday, July 21, 2010

So I've been gone for awhile. For a really long time actually. Now that I think of it, this last trip is the longest I've been away from my primary living place since "striking out on my own" when I was 18.

It was awesome.

The only bummer was the bout of mastitis I had while on vacation...the other bummer would be throwing my back out (while getting the car seat out of the car) when we got home. Not sure which is worse - actually the mastitis wins, but the back problem was made worse by the fact that I came home to a NEW BIKE from my sweet husband. A bike I've been wanting for a few years. The bike that I couldn't ride until today due to said back injury. (It was worth the wait, by the way.)

I may or may not play catch up on this blog. I may or may not post photos. I won't, however, feel obligated to do either or feel guilt for not doing either. It would ruin the vacation.

So...some thoughts.

Monday (July 19th) marked the one-year anniversary of Kenny's dad's death. I can't believe it's been a whole year. However, when I think of all that's happened since his death it seems that it's been much longer. Granted, this year has been an eventful one for us. When I think about last year and the time Kenny spent away from home caring for his dad, I'm mostly grateful. Grateful that Kenny was in a position to serve Ken in that capacity during that time, grateful that Kenny would want to serve him (it was really hard for Kenny - physically and emotionally), and grateful to have gained a greater understanding of charity. True charity. Not the pity kind, but the loving, unselfish service kind of charity. Kenny grew so much during that time. I'm only sad that Ken is not here to see his son in person. Or that he's not here to play with Lola. Rather than dwell on those things, I like to imagine Ken getting Lola all ready to come into this world. When I see her do things that remind me of him, I just smile. And I'm grateful for that, too.

Speaking of The Girl, Lola turns 3 months old tomorrow. Wow. Congratulate me. I've kept a totally helpless creature alive for three months. No plant I've ever owned has ever fared that well. Although, no plant ever gave me auditory clues that it was hungry. If it had screamed or cired I probably would have watered it. So I guess it's really the plants' fault. How's motherhood? Still what I expected. Awesome in an "ups & downs" sort of way. The biggest surprise is that I've yet to get sick of HER - even for a moment. I've gotten sick of certain aspects of mothering (can one really ever love cleaning up poop? and, oh yeah, remember the mastitis?!), but never HER. Everything she does fascinates me. Like right now. I'm watching her alternate between trying to stick her whole fist in her mouth (and almost succeed - until she gags herself), smiling at the ceiling fan like it's her best friend (which it sort of is), and try to nurse the couch cushion. And I'm totally entertained and almost even giddy about it all. Disgusting, right? Yeah, I know. The weird thing is that I don't care. In fact, I'd rather watch her do that than write anything else, so ... well, I won't. I guess I'm done.

Over and out.

8 comments:

Desiree and Lars said...

I completely understand those mother feelings. Well said!! And I had mastitis at 5 weeks. Ugh, worst thing ever. hop you are doing better!

Amy said...

Mastitis sucks, I had it once with Axel about that same age, (4 months I think) I think they hit a growth spurt so your boobs get engorged like crazy, and well thinks get plugged up. I never got to the really hard part, my mom and sisters taught me all their home remedies, and how to "nurse through it" even though I wanted to claw my eyes out trying to do so.

Death is hard, I just lost my grandmother, but I think watching them be in pain is SOO much harder.

Disha said...

Hi
I just randomly came across your blog. I liked it very much. Congrats for Lola

Diana and Jon said...

That's funny about the keeping a plant alive. My parents were here the last week to help us move and my mom was appalled at all my dead plants. She said "I don't think you should have a baby until you can at least keep a plant alive." And my reply was "Hey babies cry when they are hungry...plants don't!" So I totally relate. :)

Elise said...

Yeah, thanks for the update! And happy to hear that you're back from Utah! I kept having these dreams that you were never coming back. We need to play catch-up. I miss all of you!

Shanna Nemrow said...

Love your new post. There's really nothing like watching your own baby/kids learn, grow, and even do nothing. And your comment about keeping a helpless living creature alive for three months made me nod my head yes and laugh because I thought the exact SAME thing when Mackenzie was a baby.

And yes, don't feel guilty at all...just enjoy Lola. :)

Allison Tiek said...

It was pretty awesome having you guys in Utah for so long. Wish we could have see you more but we understand we can't hog you (or mostly Lola). But we will see you in 2 weeks!! Can't wait!

D, J, and Dre said...

I love to hike. I love the beauty of the mountains and trees and rivers and high mountain lakes. I remember the first time I took my son hiking (he was about 2 or 3 months old and I carried him in a front pack.) I don't remember that hike at all. I remember when the hike was over thinking "Did I look at anything but my baby the whole time I was out here?" and "How did I manage to make it off the mountain without faceplanting it along the way?" Despite what was probably a beautiful hike, all I wanted to look at was my beautiful baby. Just so you know, it doesn't get any easier to "pay attention" to the rest of the world.

P.S. A breast pump can be a huge help when getting through mastitis.