I’m excited, but also horribly scared and anxious.
I think I’ll be really happy tomorrow, but be really sad and anxious again on the 30th when I don’t get a paycheck and rent is due.
Since turning 16, I've held a continous job (more or less). Since graduating high school, I’ve never before been fully financially dependent on another person. I trust Kenny, of course, but I don't love the vulnerability of all this. Now that I think of it, I didn't love the vulnerability of that arrangement growing up either.
...
Did I also mention that the house we’ve been eying for quite some time (i.e. a few years) – our dream home – went on the market just days after I turned in my resignation? For a great price, too. How’s that for tragic irony.
Here’s hoping for the best. And by "the best," I mean I’m hoping the Universe gives me that house – along with the increased income to support the mortgage and then some. Even better, the Universe gives me that house complete with all the upgrades and improvements I'd like done to it without a mortgage and the extra income. And of course it would be nice for my family and friends to be happy, healthy, and successful. And throw in a miracle in Japan and New Zealand and Haiti, etc. and peace on earth and all that other good stuff, too. And for my finale, I'd also like to be 5'10" (and my same weight) with all the extra height being distributed soley to my legs. Why not?
A girl can dream, right?
...
Totally unrelated...
Here’s our girl back in December (with my mom).
I love her.
And I get to take care of her full time. Starting tomorrow. And for that, I'm happy.
...
(Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get prettied up for the surprise going-away party about which I'm not supposed to know. Wink.)
5 comments:
I wish the bounty of blessings on you! The leap is scary but so so good.
Hello Jill! I enjoy reading your blog. [Your blog title is super adorable, by the way.] You and I had babies around the same time...congrats!
I also worked since I was a teen and I quit working 6 months after I had my first baby. I desperately wanted to be home with him and my heart was torn every time I left him with someone else, so I could go to work. My income at the time provided more than half of the finances for my husband and I...I was so scared.
That decision has not always been easy. For us, every need has been met. Still, from time to time, we have even learned to redefine "need" in our lives.
The decision to trust someone else to provide for you is huge, and humbling perhaps. And I'm sure Kenny also feels a measure of pressure, now being a sole provider. I imagine this experience will provide plenty of opportunity for you both to be more vulnerable and reliant on each other. [ps, that's not such a bad thing when you're committed to loving one another...scary, yes...but good.]
Being a mother at home has been the most difficult and wonderful job. I hope you get that dream house and all the extra work you'd like done to it...but even more, I pray this time is a sweet time of learning to depend on each other in a new way, viewing the people and things around you in a refreshed light and falling more in love each day with the little girl you are able to be with. :) All the best to you, Jill.
Thanks for sharing your beautiful writing...I hope you don't mind me "lurking" -as I don't comment much. I promise, I'm not a creepy lurker though. [Ok, well, that sentence was a little creepy, maybe.] ;)
I already said it, but I'm totally stoked for you! Amy and I relying pretty much on one income changed our family dynamics quite a bit for the better. I think there are just some things that can only be learned when things are tight and you have to trust someone beside yourself, that will be irreplaceable to us. Good luck!
Congrats on your last day of work! That is so exciting. I hope you have so much fun staying home with Lola full time!
Amen.
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